I have shifted

i HAVE SHIFTED HERE!

I HAVE SHIFTED.

I HAVE SHIFTED HERE!

When the sun goes down

I hate Chloe. She thinks i can’t get married >:(

(Plus she thinks i’m going to be a 40 year old virgin)

So, to all the busybodies out there, yes ,i am officially single. So stop spreading to the whole wide world that i am attached. Because i’m not. Gossip mongers, the reason to our mishap is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, although, we’re both still happily contacting each other as good friends . 

Yes, the completion of any of my homework is still NIL. However, i am quite certain that i am not the only sad case. So, sure enough, my whole level would die together. I can see the new year beckoning me. It’s scary, y’know. What with each day being a step closer to O levels. Nope,  i have to STAY POSITIVE! It would be very sad if all my sec 3 chionging went down the drain. Really sad. SO KAMBATE EVERYBODY

On a lighter note ,

I can’t wait for Christmas . I can’t wait to watch the rest of the world busy themselves with christmas parties and booking of seats in luxurious restaurant while i just sit on my bed reading a mind torturing book, with a cup of mocha in my delicate palms. Haha, afterall, what are parents for right? Anyway, while my dear loved friend is in the land of the rising sun, possibly shooting some heroine and fucking with the stars, while here i am, moaning my way till his return. Shit, i am hopeless.

I am ready for christmas. Come! Lets be merry! The ham, the log cake, basically, the food. The lighted up trees, the mistletoes, the warmth of everybody squeezing together in a couch blatantly not minding the body heat being exchanged. The christmas spirit, the presents. The countdown and after the countdown, the sudden awareness that time has transported us back to life and it’s injustice.

I am wondering if i should just shift to my secret xanga wholely . Hmm. We’ll see if you’re worthy to be disclosed. As for now, lets just enjoy the holidays oui?

I’ll come back when you call me, no need to say goodbye

I think, after realisation hits everybody, i am going to get bombarded with “What did we do Bella” questions. Oh, no wait, the questions and demands that i state a reason has already begun. Yep, i am a quitter. I quit alot of things. Basically, i quit all the things that i’m sick of handling or tolerating. I quit things that i start because i feel that it is not up to my ability. Yes, all might think that this is bullshit, it’s another one of Bella’s weird emoing and schizophrenia. You’re wrong.

I think, there will always be an end to something. So really now, there’s no point trying to stop people from meeting our dear friend reality. There’s no point building all those fallacies in your already confused mind. A friend of mine mentioned that the people that you seldom hangout with would lose interest in you in time to come and disregard you as a friend. It’s true. I feel it. I really don’t think i should continue going to a place where i FEEL disregarded, left out , unwanted. My mind has already been polluted with evil lucifer’s planted seeds. I don’t think i should continue going to a place where i feel disheartened. No one is at blame. If there were to be, it would be I and I alone.

I feel like i’m walking aimlessly in a dark horizon & i’m seeking the light that would levitate me back to the place where no one knows yet. I’ll be back when it’s over.

We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us from returning. Sometimes. we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it’s easire. Sometimes we find our own way out. But regardless, always, we are found. – Cecelia Ahern

I am not good with boys.

I am not good with relationships and guys and everything that doesn’t revolve around girls la okay. I suck at it. Thats why everytime i enter one i’d make it spiral down the drain. The pieces of love would be scattered around , all left unretrievable.

Anyway, i will always remember,
Feeling lonely means forgetting that Jesus isforever there.

Christmas Pressieszz(:

Hello all. After alot of consideration, i have decided to keep my wordpres up and running. (hence it was dead for a couple of days)

Anyway, Christmas is coming, which means i’ll be receiving lots of presents (CANT WAIT) but then again it means that i would have to wreck my brains and think on what to buy for my fellow babies and see if the gifts i want to buy is within my budget. Actually, i already have an idea on what to get for my friends, however, i’m not so sure if the gifts would be appreciated. Afterall, all it does is sit on the table and collect dust. Or then again, it could be used as a paperweight. HINTHINT**
Anyway, for those of you who don’t have a clue on what i’m doing now to bypass time during the holidays, (Please do not nag at me to complete my holiday homework, AHEM) I, together with my sister have taken up a telemarketing job at Australia Property Group Company to be a tele consultant and set up appointments for my wealth consultants(: So fun right. The pay is not bad leh. HOHO Oh yeah, i forgot, i am posting on my fantastic new PIANO BLACK HP compay 510 laptop which is so damn bloody chio. And to make up for my lost days without any computer, i shall go and start watching xiaxue videos now. CIAO. OH yes, and someone is coming over too (: CANT WAITO.

Automatic, systematic, dramatic.

It’s amazing how much you’d do for your loved one. Actually, it’s amazing what a being could do for love. Period.
Anyway, Hotmail is being an asshole.
Gosh, i wonder why everyone enjoys heavily manipulating me without even giving me a breather. Is that so much to ask that i have to get denied excessively to the brink that i don’t even bother trying anymore because i’ve long depicted my impending doom? I long for peace. I long for the day that i won’t have to hear myself think. A pity, yearning doesn’t really do any good. I have long forgotten how it feels like to not have thoughts spiralling around your brain like a tornado. Y’know what sucks? Every kid wants to grow up when their five, but when they finally do, it’s too late to realise that being a kid is ten fold better than ever having to set foot into the real world.

I’ve long given up on waiting for someone to understand me. Because the truth is, i don’t even understand myself. yes. This is me.

Thursdays with Ms Bella.

I’m so fed up i could kill myself. I have made every effort to restrain myself from blogging about my mum but each thought that flies through my mind are all uncouth thoughts about “THE MOM”. I hate her, i hate how she wastes her life away by playing MahJong and losing $100s in one night. What pisses me off is that she plays and loses on consecutive nights, doesn’t she ever learn? Once bitten twice shy?! You nearly went to jail from illegal gambling and you’re lucky it was only a fine. Because you can’t control your life you have to control mine? What the fuck, how is it your problem that i have to report to you on every move i make. Every friend i’m with and what we do every hour? Relax, i don’t believe that my live could be more screwed up than yours. “What is your father doing ? Gambling his money away? ” Isn’t that line familiar? Well what makes you so different from him? He deals with cards, you deal with tiles, whats the fucking diff? I hate how you always say ” Bella when you have a boyfriend you cannot be cheap and you cannot allow him to touch you or even hold your hand or else you will appear very cheap”, SURPRISING HOW IT’S COMING FROM A WOMAN THAT IS SLEEPING WITH A MAN SHE IS NOT EVEN MARRIED TOO. Yes bitch i hate you. And you can kick me out of the house for all i care. It’s not like it will make a difference. Curfew at 9? Stop trying to control my life just to make yourself feel like it’s still in control. I’m your only source of comfort just because i give you a sense of satisfaction everytime i obey your words and make you feel like there’s something you can still control.
You know what else i hate other than you? Myself. I hate myself. I hate how i am forced to be living in the house of a man whom i detest. To me, he will always be “the faggot who broke up my family” . The fact that fallen circumstances has forced me to be living and breathing the same air as him as already made me despise myself. The fact that im bloody 15 and there’s nothing i can do because i can’t buy a house and runaway (1. Because i have no money 2. because its ungodly) has made me feel so useless i could literally contemplate suicided. Bloody bitch i hate you. I want to find every reason to stay away from you. And y’know what? Just to spite you, i am GOING TO BE FUCKING CHEAP. Hah. Yes i love it, i love how you are going to drown in your own mistakes. I am sadistic. I dont even mind being satan’s spawn now because i’m so angry i could literally start drinking blood. Privacy never applies to your life right? That’s why nearly the whole world knows that you’re living in a fuckkyy condition and no one dares to speak of you because you’re so bloody CHEAP TOO. You’re always saying “you need to marry someone who has a good family background and can support you when you grow up” . Wtf la, what makes you think that that perfect person would want me? My family background is fucked up. “what does your parents do for a living?” his parents would ask and i would go “OH THEY GAMBLE THEIR LIVES AWAY”. Y’know, as much you mind my sister and i having good supportive boyfriends (Because all you can think of is money $$) , i suppose they would mind knowing that my dad has NO JOB, apparently and my mum is basically living of her boyfriend who is 38 years old. And my mum is 42. (: A kid. HHAHA. FUCKER. Now im satisfied.

I’ve fallen into a state of disrepair.

You can’t blame me for hating religion and god and christianity and for not wanting to go to youth camp because i dont want to be near god cos he’s sadistic.

HAHA, i wonder Benjamin would break up with me after reading this, realising that his girlfriend is a puzzle that is pieced up by anger. FANNTASSTICCA.

I can’t get no satisfaction!!

Because it’s been raining alot recently, i haven’t been working because the cafe hasn’t been opening BECAUSE Bukit Timah keeps flooding and so i’m always stuck at home sitting infront of the comp and wondering what i should do that doesn’t require me to waste $$. So lo and behold i’ve decided to post.

Anyways, i need to go out soon. Not only with my boy but with everyone else that i haven’t been chilling with. However, what’s stopping me from going out is not knowing my schedule for my working days which makes me kinda annoyed because my boss can just text me to go to work the following day and i don’t want to cancel on my friends! So now, i’m stuck at home. Useless and afraid. Bloody hell i didn’t know jobbing could be such an inconvenience. Ohwell, nao i do >;(  Sheesh, my sister is sleeping and before i gradually get sick of puzzle pirates, i have decided to take a break from the gaming . I love reading. I love Cecelia Ahern. She is smawesomex and i bloody hell love her witty books that she writes that can drown u in her plots and ideas as each story is really fascinating. I’m reading a book by her on how the narrator thinks that there is a place where missing things and missing people go to. Surely, surely, there really is another dimension? I don’t believe people could just go missing like that. And neither does she (:

Curse of the curves

Watched “A christmas Carol” at HarbourFront yesterday. Not bad i must say, should have gone for the 3d version though. Oh how amusing it would be, if only we did :/

I appreciate the open space up at the top of Vivo City, it really is splendid and the person who designed that area is brilliant.  Shyt, i haven’t much left to say, but no worries, I will be back to post more once life starts getting interesting. As for nao, i’m off.

 

Ps : Tyvm honeybunny for everything ytd <3